So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
