Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
