eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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