Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
