i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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