Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My ATM looks so different sober.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
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