you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
