i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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