There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
