I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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