PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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