Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
