Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
