Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
