4 words: hood of his car
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
