The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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