if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
