Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
