I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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