Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
