I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
