Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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