Too much gin, very little bucket
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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