My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
