I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
