I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
