i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
