All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
