Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
