If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
