How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
