I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
