Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
