wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
