Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
