Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
be right there i have to get my cape
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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