I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
