He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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