RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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