Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
