I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
