your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
