My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
