I smell stomach acid.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
