omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
