it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
