dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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