if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
