Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
