I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
