you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
